Well, I made sure I took a pill for depression this morning and waded back into the clippings. Whew… Surprisingly, what I am feeling is more of a nostalgia than sadness this time. I have avoided anything to do with her things because it always has felt like that would be acknowledging that she is not going to get better. That may seem strange, but as long as someone is alive, it seems wrong to be doing things that are usually a part of the grieving process after a death.
This memory page is going to be an outlet for me to share some of the feelings related to muddling through the long process that has been referred to by some as “the long goodbye”. I hope you will enjoy checking in to see what I’ve dug up and discovered about mom that is either a reminder of something forgotten or a real discovery of something I never knew or realized.
This is how it begins. Yesterday, Russ arrived with 11 boxes of paper clippings, which I understand is just the beginning of what is left to go through. I picked the smallest one (about 1′ x 1′ square) and dug in. Three hours later, I was only about half way through it, with about 10 clippings in the ‘keepers’ stack, and the rest in a black trash bag. If it was ALL recipes, or ALL obits, or ALL Ann Landers/Dear Abby columns, that would be easy… However, there are all sorts of things mixed together, and I find myself stopping to look at what she underlined, or reading a poem she clipped out, or reading the headlines (OKC Bombing front page and articles, or the high speed chase that killed two officers and the kids they were chasing the wrong way up the interstate at 110 mph, or the clippings about a classmate of mine being involved in a road rage incident that killed his ex wife and most of her new family…), all completely random until you look at the big picture.
My conclusion after this first little box is that mom was truely a brilliant and complex woman. We all know she was a single ‘career’ woman back when that wasn’t really the fashionable thing to do. She gave herself completely to whatever she was involved in, yet she was the ULTIMATE QUEEN of multi-task. She met daddy in October, married him in January, built a house, learned to be a step-mom to a 10 year old who’d recently lost his own mother, and gave birth to three babies of her own – all of this long before her 4th anniversary. Whew… anyone want to compete with that? LOL
I’ve set aside some of the recipes that she’d typed off onto cards or written out for her recipe box, and will share them here. Also, a few of the ‘helpful hints’, poems, etc. Hopefully you’ll enjoy a journey with me down memory lane.